


once in a while, you find your person

by knittingpanda



Category: All Creatures Great and Small (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, I love it so so much, There's just something about this show, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, and I feel for his heartbreak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29810256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knittingpanda/pseuds/knittingpanda
Summary: Isn’t it funny how you can meet someone for the first time and instinctively know that they are your people?Helen reflects on her relationships. James falls in love fast.
Relationships: Helen Herriot/James Herriot
Kudos: 7





	once in a while, you find your person

Isn’t it funny how you can meet someone for the first time and instinctively know that they are your people?

Maybe it was the way he was stood up on the fence to get out of Clive’s way—smart move, given the bull’s capriciousness—or the way he took the offered hen without question. Maybe it was his gentle hands holding the calf’s broken leg, or the shared understanding between them over Siegfried’s idiosyncrasies. Or maybe it was his clear eyes and slightly furrowed brow turned back towards her when she felt the urge to call him back, his expression clearing when he realized that her words were meant to encourage. 

Whatever it was, from the first day she met James Herriot Helen knew that he would have a role to play in her life.

***

She hadn’t meant to flirt so much, really. It was a complete accident coming across James while he was swimming, and she didn’t linger or take an extra glance when she might well have. It was the most natural thing in the world to tease him later in front of Tristan—were they not kindred spirits? That he took the teasing in good part just made it easier for her to do it again, and to joke with him at Mrs. Pumphrey’s party later. It was easy talking to him, it felt like she had a real friend. 

Until she noticed him looking increasingly nervous as he talked to her, and then he asked if he might see her some time—adorably flustered—and she thought, oh no I’ve gone too far. I only meant for us to be friends.

She did her best to ignore his chagrin as Hugh came up beside them, hoping to save him face, and thought it wise to move off with Hugh as soon as possible. Being considered one of the local beauties, Helen had had her fair share of men disappointed at not winning her favor, and she dreaded the coming awkwardness that would inevitably appear with James. How was it so difficult to maintain a simple friendship with the opposite sex?

Her surprise was therefore considerable when the next time she and James met she could detect no evidence of his earlier embarrassment. He asked sincerely over the calf’s leg and her sister’s schoolwork and showed no signs of being disappointed in love. Helen found herself impressed with his self-control, and perhaps a little bit piqued. Had he given up on her so easily? Was she not worth a little bit more effort in the face of a rival? She didn’t have so high an opinion of herself as to maintain the indignation, however; more likely he just hadn’t been as interested as she had assumed.

Then the debacle with Hugh’s horse occurred and she met James and Tristan on the one-lane bridge. Preoccupied with the tragedy, she didn’t expect anything in particular in talking of Hugh with James. His fluster, however, when he said that Hugh was her fiancé—that gave her something to think about. She couldn’t help the warm feeling that filled her chest when she thought of his evident confusion and his look of relief when she scoffed at the insinuation. Perhaps he hadn’t given up after all, and yet he had also shown that he was willing to remain friends in spite of Hugh’s presence.

Somehow she couldn’t imagine Hugh having as gracious a reaction.

***

The nice thing about Hugh Hulton was that he was dependable. Familiar, in the way that the smell of one’s living room was always the same when you came home to it. If you were away too long the scent would be surprising, but after a few hours you wouldn’t even notice it again. Helen was glad for that dependability in Hugh; seeing him again after an absence was pleasing, but then after a while would settle in comfortableness. It sometimes came to the point that Helen would forget he was there, tune out his discourses on life at the estate or plans for the future as they drove. Hugh would tease her that she had forgotten to listen to him again. She never told him that it was because when she did listen, she had the impression that he had forgotten it was her he was talking to.

She never told him that occasionally she would imagine a different pair of hands on the steering wheel, and a different accent asking her about the future.

Hugh did manage to surprise her twice on the same day, and in a not entirely good way. When it was revealed that he had bribed Dobson not to say that his cows weren’t in calf, Helen couldn’t believe it. The nerve of him to interfere! When she thought of how the sale could have gone through and their family’s name aught for muck afterwards she felt sick inside. And then for Hugh to explain that it was because he loved her that he did so! She couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t a very helpful way to express one’s love.

A funny thing, to have someone say “I love you” in a romantic way and not be able to say it back immediately. Hugh deserved honesty, so Helen wouldn’t say it until she was sure she meant it. She did love Hugh; they had known each other since they were children, and understood each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They had similar viewpoints and values, shared backgrounds and goals. Of course Helen loved Hugh, but sometimes she wondered if it was quite the right kind of love for what he clearly expected of her.

And sometimes she wondered if they shared the value of integrity. Sometimes she wondered if that value didn’t sit a little more strongly in the heart of a man who told her the buns she baked were the worst ever, or quietly stated a diagnosis which would ruin her family’s chance of a fortune.

***

And yet, she and Hugh pulled through the slight rough patch, and what girl could resist a handsome, rich man willing to shoulder her family’s burdens asking her to marry him. Helen was happy. She knew Hugh, and knew they would have a good life together. If he was sometimes high-handed or didn’t quite understand her jokes, well at least he was willing to apologize, and they could learn to be more in sync with one another. She was happy, she was in love—right?—and they were on their way to James’ surprise birthday party.

It wasn’t until she saw the Scottish man poring over a veterinary textbook at his own birthday party that a feeling settled somewhere in the back of her chest. It felt a little bit like regret.

She couldn’t help going over to see what he was looking at and engage him in conversation, handing over the Highland shortbread she had managed to procure. Teasing again fell naturally to them, and despite the lighthearted atmosphere Helen dreaded the moment when she would have to tell him she was engaged. She got distracted by his problem with the Rudd’s cow and simply had to encourage him.

What a good man he was, and an excellent vet. He deserved to feel confident in his skills despite Siegfried’s caution. Then Hugh passed by and Helen felt a stab of guilt; it was probably best she didn’t linger too long on James’ problems and instead focus on the man who was her fiancé. If she couldn’t help a final glance at James and Tristan in deep conversation as she walked out the door with Hugh, well, no one else seemed to notice.

***

James in the aftermath of a successful operation was a sight to behold, so handsome and happy with his prowess. She watched him out of the corner of her eye in the Drovers Arms, talking and laughing with the Skeldale household and the various townsfolk who stopped to congratulate him. Eventually the pull became too strong, and Helen had to go over to talk to him. It was time to tell him.

And yet it was impossible to get the words out; James was so earnestly thanking her and she couldn’t stem the tide. He started saying something about regretting this because he probably had too much to drink. Helen could feel the impending doom. No don’t say it, don’t say it James, just listen—

She had never been so torn between gratitude and frustration for an interruption in her life. James’ confusion was evident. The words still wouldn’t come to her, all she could do was hold up her left hand with Hugh’s ostentatious ring on the third finger and watch the heartbreak come into James’ eyes.

But somehow only the briefest moment of disappointment and shock clouded his face before a smile replaced it and appropriate words of congratulation came out. Helen wondered if she had imagined it. Maybe all this time they really were just friends in his eyes, maybe he truly was happy that she and Hugh were engaged. She could only pay half attention to what Hugh was saying to the other men as she was dragged over to socialize. All she could focus on was interpreting James’ face. Whether the slight smile and salute with a mug were what he really meant to convey.

Or whether he actually looked as lost as she felt.

***

Helen was a good girl, and she loved Hugh. She wouldn’t spend any more time thinking about a different man when she had a wonderful fiancé in front of her. She wouldn’t be the kind of girl who jilted that fiancé over a man who was only a friend, no matter that there was occasionally stronger feeling behind his expression. James hadn’t said the words, and Helen didn’t want him to. She could marry Hugh with no regrets. Over the next few months of wedding planning she ran into James occasionally and he was always friendly, asking about the farm and Jenny and wondering when her sister would come to visit Mrs. Hall again. If he seemed to be avoiding the topic of her impending marriage, well, so was she.

Eventually the time drew near, and it was the night before her wedding. A Christmas day wedding had seemed like a good idea at the time—Hugh had been all for it—but as the day arrived Helen wished that she had been more insistent on the event’s quietness; or better yet, that it was all over already. Let her be a married woman, able to begin building her new life, rather than a bride still waiting in anticipation. 

At the Christmas Eve party at Skeldale, it seemed as if all of her feelings were happening at once. It resulted in an overload of emotion that manifested as a complete absence of feeling. She was excited; when Hugh kissed her she was happy to be marrying him. She was nervous; with so many people coming she was sure to trip or do something embarrassing. She was disappointed, not entirely sure about what, but it intensified when she saw James with Connie and felt a little stab of jealousy. Inexplicable anger at her mother for not being there to guide her, nostalgia when she saw Jenny running around in her costume with the other children, fondness for Hugh, embarrassment when she heard her Da bragging about the planned festivities and most of all—something indefinable when James leaned forward to kiss her underneath the mistletoe. It made her lean forward and kiss him back.

The cool air of the surgery was a welcome relief. It was the first time she felt like she could breathe all night.

And then, of course, James came in. He was always there just when she needed him—whether she acknowledged that need or not.

Who could blame her for wanting a bit of an escape from it all?

***

Hugh was a smart man, and a hard worker, and every girl’s dream with his posh accent and large estate. So it was unfair to compare him with James the veterinarian, who didn’t shy from sticking his hand up an animal’s birth canal, who always gave one more try before giving up, who blew into the nostrils of a tiny pup with such gentleness. And yet Helen couldn’t help but compare. She thought about how Hugh might have reacted in a similar situation—called an expert, probably, as with the flat tire. She thought about holding hands with Hugh, and how it didn’t make her heart race nearly as much as when James moved her hand on the dog’s stomach or intertwined their fingers on his shoulder. She thought again about the Clive deal, and how Hugh was willing to do something a little shady in order to protect her. James also wanted to protect her, but in the end chose honesty. She thought about James’ face when he realized that he couldn’t take her home that night, that it might cause a scandal in Darrowby, that he was willing to take the blame even though it had been her idea and she had ridden over his reluctance. She thought about Hugh’s likely reaction to her truancy.

She thought about the Chapmans and how their love endured despite the challenges they faced. She thought about the next 40 years with Hugh. She wondered if she would be fond of his snoring then.

***

Late nights in intimate company tend to bring out the soul-searching questions. Helen should have guessed that she would tread on dangerous ground by asking James what he would have done differently. Maybe she did guess. She asked him anyway.

“I might have told you…” James was saying. 

Helen didn’t catch on quick enough, thinking they were still in a teasing mode. “What?”

His extended silence clued her in. It was like the moment at Mrs. Pumphrey’s, when she knew he was working up the courage to ask her out. It was her engagement celebration, where he started to talk about regret and she couldn’t help feeling that she knew what that was like.

No more regrets, she thought suddenly. It’s better to know.

“What might you have told me?”

Say it, James. Just say it.

The silence stretched on. “I might have told you,” James said again, and Helen held her breath. 

He gave a safe answer and chuckled awkwardly. She couldn’t laugh along.

***

Helen didn’t know what she was going to do until the moment she walked into the church.

The cold, wintry morning after a restless night listening to James’ quiet breathing should have brought counsel. Looking out onto the dales, Helen thought she knew what was right. There’s no fighting love, as Mrs. Chapman said the night before. The opposite must be true as well; if there wasn’t love, there was no fighting for it to suddenly appear. If she loved Hugh, Helen thought, she would have been fighting harder to be at home preparing for her wedding. She wouldn’t have gone out with James the night before. She would look forward to the prospect of the next 40 years together. Clearly she should call off the wedding, it would be kinder to do so now than condemn them both to the wrong kind of marriage.

And yet, she could imagine herself walking down the aisle towards Hugh. All of the arguments for becoming engaged to him in the first place rattled around her head. He was a good man, she and her family would be secure with him. She had been planning the wedding for months without any strong inclination to cancel it, except for the wish that it could have been a smaller affair. Everyone would be waiting at the church; she had gotten this far and might as well go through with it. She could choose to be happy with Hugh. The love that she did have for him would be enough.

James was quiet on the drive to Darrowby. She wondered what counsel the night had brought him.

Back at Skeldale she found herself putting on her wedding dress and pinning on her veil, her eye catching occasionally on the open door of what she guessed was James’ bedroom. Jenny was fluttering about, her Da was predictably stoic. This is it, she thought. I’m getting married. My mother would be happy. My father is proud. This is the right thing to do.

That mantra kept her going right until she stood at the bottom of the aisle in the church. Hugh turned around and smiled at her. I can’t, she thought, and quietly set her bouquet down on a pew.

***

It was surprisingly simple to call off a wedding, in the end. She stood by the altar and informed everyone that the event would not take place, then took Hugh’s hand and led him to the chancery to talk to him privately. He was understandably upset. 

Afterwards, Helen sat staring unseeing at the columns in the nave, absently noting the worn wood of the pews and the open book on the rostrum. She heard the chapel doors open but didn’t look to see who it was. Somehow she already knew.

“I thought you were going home.”

“Something inside said I should be here.”

His voice was so comforting, the lilting brogue settling her as nothing else had today. His attempt at humor, his complete understanding of what she needed to hear; it was the most natural thing in the world to lay her head on his shoulder and shed a few tears, feeling his damp coat soak through her veil as his arm came around her. She wished she could stay there in his embrace for hours.

James was wiser than that. He brought her back down the church aisle, his hand wrapped comfortingly around her own. They paused just before the doorway and looked at each other once more. James moved his opposite hand as if he was going to wipe her tears but decided against it, his arm shifting awkwardly at his side. Helen squeezed their shared handhold. His eyes lit up softly and his mouth quirked into a smile. She smiled back, trembling a little. Noble, she thought. Not just a good man, but a great one.

For the first time in many months, recognizable only through its sudden appearance after a long absence, she felt peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! James POV will be coming along. I'm not sure what it is about this show, but it was exactly what I needed to see last week. There's just something so charming and wholesome about it, I think everyone needs that once in a while. And it makes me very nostalgic for the few days I spent in the Yorkshire Dales. I just love his Scottish brogue, and excellent acting from Nicholas Ralph. When he has to go outside after Helen's announcement to try not to cry! I felt that. We all felt that. 
> 
> Anyway I love these two with all my heart.


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